Tire Store Report -- East Alabama Male College

Haha.  Haha.  Hahahaha.  Isn’t it a great day?

Maybe you have to grow up in it.  Maybe you get it passed on from your parents.  Maybe it’s the result of just one too many unfriendly playground encounters.  Maybe it’s in the water.  Whatever.  There’s something very special and very deep-seated about an in-state college football rivalry.  People who don’t have this life experience think they understand about “bragging rights”.  They have this idea that means that when your team wins, you get to walk up at any time to a fan of the other team and say things like “29-13” real quiet-like and then just go on with your day and you feel better and they feel worse.  Or that you get a new t shirt with a funny cartoon and the score on it that you wear every Saturday all winter no matter how cold it gets.  Or maybe you get a new bumper sticker for your car.  (Or maybe you get one and put it on someone else’s car, maybe late at night.  We’ve just heard about that.  A friend of ours knew someone who did that, ok?)  Or maybe it’s as simple as you get to say something like “nah nah nah nannnah our team beat your team so hahahahaha.”

Of course, all that’s true.  But if you grow up like we did, the real bragging rights are not what you say out loud, they are what you carry inside.  You can wake up on a crummy morning, the weather is cold and wet, somebody left the toaster setting too high and your last Pop Tart gets burnt to a crisp setting off the smoke detector, then the car won’t start….  And just as you are about to get really upset, frustrated at the world, you can take a deep breath, relax and say, yeah, well, today isn’t too good, but we at least we beat the stuffings out of [fill in name of your own mouth-breathing, slope-headed, Neanderthal rival].   Things just seem better.  Those are bragging rights.

Thanks, Commissioner, for documenting this win.  And thanks for your insight about the game that made it seem even sweeter than it seemed in real time.  We don’t know about you, but down here at the Tire Store we can get pretty enthusiastically upset, even when the team is actually doing fairly well.  One yard rushing in the second half?  Seriously?  We’d have guessed pretty wrong.  Those Grades are excellent and the reasons for them even better.

Regular readers know that we rarely pick out individual players to talk about, but I think we all owe a great big thank you to Adam Griffith, and the head coach who decided to stick with him as he struggled early in the season.  The Commissioner already did an excellent job of reporting on exactly what he did, but his kicks on Saturday covered 215 yards, not far off the 260 that the Auburn offense covered on Saturday.  As you might recall, we are big fans of kicking off the football into the dadgum end zone.  Check that box for young Mr. Griffith, too.  Who would have thought, two games into the season, that we’d have a deadly sharpshooter at place kicker by now?  Well done.

Auburn Being Auburn: You really wouldn’t put something on the playing surface to gain a footing advantage, would you?  That’s the sort of bush league, hicks-in-the-sticks foolishness that’s pulled by teams who try fake punt catches, or turn around to the line of scrimmage and snap it in two seconds, or play music and noise over the loudspeaker system while the other team’s offense is over the ball, or light up their gigantic Cattle-O-Tron in blazing colors in the opponent’s faces, or so lose control of themselves that their assistant coach’s mouth costs their team 15 yards, or they hide a little player behind a big offensive line so maybe the defense won’t see him….  Those aren't the tactics of a SEC contender; more like some cellar dweller with a high school-level coach.  It does make us wonder, though.  I’m pretty sure you can major in growing grass at Auburn, so you’d think their field would be one of the best in the conference.

Officiating:  As soon as we first saw Tom “Tex” Ritter’s pasty complexion on camera we knew it was going to be a long evening of peculiar, inexplicable calls.  His crew did not disappoint.  Ritter himself was giving the signal that means a passed ball has been touched by a defensive player and that pass interference rules do not apply.  Problem was, he was giving that signal on a kickoff, when in fact the replay showed the ball had not been touched.  We think it so confused Mullaney that he picked up the ball and ran it out of the endzone when if he had just touched it and taken a knee, Alabama would have had the ball at the 25.  Or that’s what the rules say, who knows with these guys? 

On a critical down we caught them in a substitution tangle.  They had 12 on the field on defense.  They did realize it and one of their players tried to get off the field, but didn't make it before we snapped the ball.  That foul is illegal substitution and carries a five-yard penalty.  In this, case however, I guess the guy figured, what the heck, in for a penny, and tried to help defense they play. That's different.  That's illegal participation and carries a 15-yard penalty.  It was a complete mess and Ritter's clue was running around like the Keystone Kops trying to figure it out. 

There were gaffes and miscues all evening long.  It’s reaching that time of year when we feel like we ought to send apology emails to schools who are going to bowl games excited about playing an extra game, end up with a SEC officiating crew, and spending the whole night wondering about the bizzaro stuff they have to deal with. 

Broadcasting:  CBS, are you guys really trying anymore? Gary and Verne are the face/voice of their programming, but our dissatisfaction goes far beyond these two.  Sure, they screw up the names even though they’ve done 6 or 7 of our games this season.  And sure, Gary talks waaaaayyyy too much.  They don’t make the production decisions, which are regularly awful.

Just a few “for instances”.  We very much agree with the point that Alabama’s offensive performance was hindered because Drake was not available.  But to illustrate the point, wouldn’t it be better to show a couple of highlight runs or catches from him rather than super slo mo repeats of him breaking his bones playing football?  Just a thought, unless you just like the agonizing stuff better.

We hate it when we have to “go up to the booth” meaning that we see Verne and Gary’s grinning mugs instead of the action on the field.  We don’t think they like it any better than we do.  Some producer/director sure does, though.

We are quite sure that Tim Cook’s teenage nephew is a “nice young man”.  Did we really need to see and hear about that on the sideline in the 4^th quarter, rather than action on the field or sideline?  If we recall correctly, Denzel Devall had been helped from the field at that point.  An injury report would have been nice.  Imagine, something related to football.

And if you were playing that drinking game where you take a drink for every time they referred to or showed video of the “Kick Six” you probably missed the entire fourth quarter and still have a headache.

As to a new and irritating line of coverage from V&G, begging the Auburn coaching staff to call a time out late in the game and then making some remark like “oh, thank heavens” when they finally did, sounded just a tiny bit biased, didn’t you think?  What’s the difference between that and saying “Lane, please give it to Henry here” and saying “great” when he got a first down?

Given the number of commercials they air and therefore the money they make unnecessarily turning college football games into 4+ hour marathons, you'd think they could do better.  Silly you.

We were excited after CBS picked up the Mississippi State game because we knew CBS had used up their allotment of times to show Alabama.  However, they paid off ESPN or someone so they could have an exception for this past weekend’s game.  And now we get them again this Saturday.  Wonder if Vegas is offering a prop bet on how many times we hear the name Tebow?  Deliver me.  Maybe we’ll send Pee Wee over to Verne and Gary’s houses next Friday and have him take out their valve core stems so they can’t make it to the airport.

That said, if you haven’t heard the Auburn Radio Network announcers’ discussion of the late hit/ out-of-bounds penalty and the succeeding Muschamp head explosion it’s worth listening to; well, if you are the kind of person who slows down to look at auto accidents it’s worth listening to.  At one point, one of them (don’t remember if it was Laurel or Hardy) “defies” you to name a year that Alabama was penalized more in the Iron Bowl game than Auburn was.  If you selected either “this Saturday” or the dim, hazy olden days of “2013” you’d be successful.  We are pretty sure towards the end you can hear the sound of a Kleenex being pulled from its box in the background. 

Enough of that.  A great victory, though in some ways it was just processing another opponent with a lousy conference record (2-6 this year, 4-4 last year, if you are counting) standing between this Alabama team and one of its very significant goals, namely an appearance in the SEC Championship Game.  (While we are at it, a special Thanksgiving thought to that fellow over at Arkansas who threw the ball backwards over his head in over time).

Let’s all turn our thoughts to trying to win back-to-back SEC Championships, a feat which hasn’t been achieved since 1997-98.  Otherwise, we know all about Coach Saban’s 24-hour rule, but in this case, he’ll just have to cut us some slack.  Because we’ll think about this last game at least all year long.  That’s just the way it is.

Roll Tide, everyone. 

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Iron Bowl Grades

There are lots of signs on the wall in the Alabama football complex. Some of them serve as reminders of the great Alabama players who have followed their college days with careers in the NFL. Others are reminders of opponents that await. Some are motivational thoughts attributed to great coaches or other famous persons. One of these, is a quote from Coach Saban on the nature of football; it goes something like this: The game of football is not a contact sport. It is a collision sport. A sport of focused, controlled and violent collisions between opposing players each attempting to impose his will on the other. The victor is the person who succeeds in this clash of wills. 

The truth of Coach Saban's description of football was on full display in Alabama's 29-13 victory in the 80th meeting between Alabama and Auburn. I may have seen harder hitting games......but for the life of me, I cannot tell you when or where. In the first half, Auburn fought Alabama toe to toe. The Tigers had success running the ball, and stymied the Alabama offense. Auburn denied Alabama the end zone, at one point forcing the Tide to settle for a field goal after having a 2d down and goal from about three inches. At the half, Alabama held a hard-won 12-6 lead, but the outcome of the game was very much in doubt.

In the second half, Alabama absolutely bludgeoned Auburn. The Tide defense smothered the Auburn rushing game and limited the passing attack on all but one flukey play, a one-man tip drill that resulted in a long touchdown; Auburn's only points of the second half.   A scrambling Jake Coker found Ardarius Stewart alone in the end zone for the first of two second half TDs. Then Alabama unleashed the wrath of Derrick Henry.

It is nearly impossible to describe what Derrick Henry did in the second half. He was an absolute beast. He netted 103 yards rushing in the first half, and in the second he ran for 168 more. Alabama held the ball for 21:38 of the second half; 10:29 in the 4th quarter. Alabama ran 23 of its 76 total plays in the 4th quarter. Twenty of those plays....twenty....were Derrick Henry runs. Fourteen of those were consecutive.....ten in a row for 60 yards resulting in a turnover on downs....followed by four in a row for 34 yards and Bama's final touchdown.

Henry carried the ball 46 times for 271 net yards. He scored a rushing touchdown for a record setting 17th consecutive game. He joined Bo Jackson and Hershel Walker to become only the third player in SEC history to rush for  200+ yards four times in the same season. 

The offensive line did an excellent job blocking, but the grunt work was Henry's. Auburn knew he was coming, and they could not stop him. By the time he broke his final carry around right end and raced 25 yards to the end zone, the Auburn defense was a shambles. Rumor has it that the Tiger defense is circulating a petition complaining that they ought to have been provided a trigger warning about the Alabama rushing game, and demanding that Gus Malzahn provide them with a "safe space" where they will be protected from Derrick Henry's macro-aggression. It may take Gus a while to address his players' concerns, however. It seems the Auburn head coach has his hands full with Will Muschamp breaking into a psychotic episode during the game. At this point it's even-money whether the league fines Muschamp or just sticks him in a straight-jacket and a padded room.

The 80th Iron Bowl is one I will remember for a long time.....I don't think I can say that for the deranged Muschamp; anti-psychotic medications can have an amnestic effect....but I do think there are dozens of Auburn players who, for years to come, will be seeing a white jersey with the crimson number 2 in their nightmares. What a splendid parting gift for the Auburn senior class! So, as part of that Senior Day send-off, here is how I grade the game:

Offense: A+

Alabama gained 465 yards of total offense [286 rushing], earned 24 first downs and controlled the clock of 35:23 of the game.

Jake completed 17 of 26 pass attempts for 179 yards and a touchdown [Ardarius Stewart]. Bama did not turn the ball over except once on downs late in the 4th quarter. Henry did practically all of the infantry work, although Jake did contribute 13 yards on 3 scrambles, and Damien Harris added 2 yards on his lone carry of the game. We ran a few sweeps with the wide receivers carrying the ball, but the statistician has classified those as pass plays.

Stewart caught 8 passes for 81 yards including a splendid, leaping grab of a 31 yard pass Coker threw while fleeing a determined Auburn rush. Jake broke one tackle, eluded another as he scrambled to his right, and heaved a perfect strike to the back of the end zone. Stewart had a bit of an up-and-down day. He dropped a couple of passes in clutch situations, and was penalized for offensive pass interference nullifying what would have been a key first down early in the game, but on the TD play he stepped up BIG. The offensive interference penalty was completely bogus.....more on officiating in due course....Calvin Ridley gained 90 yards on 6 catches. Richard Mullaney added 4 yards on 2 completions and Harris had one receptions for 4 yards.

 

The passing game supplied some fireworks, but this Iron Bowl was old-school trench warfare on both sides of the ball. The offensive line gave Henry gaps for runs, and surrendered only a single tackle for lost yardage. Jake was not sacked. The Tide offense put together 6 long drives [48, 67, 55, 85, 52, 51] that produced 4 FGs, the passing TD and a turnover on downs. That final sustained drive took 10 plays and consumed 5:03 of game time, leaving the Tigers only 2:46 to play. The defense held the Tigers on downs, setting up the Tide offense at the Auburn 34 yard line. From there it took Henry and the ground-pounders four plays to notch the final score.

Defense: A+

Auburn was held to fewer yards of total offense, 260, than Derrick Henry gained in rushing [271]. The Tigers had only 12 first downs, converted only 3 of its 15 possession downs, and only managed 3 sustained drives [68, 44, 75]. Their longest drive consisted of only 3 plays, and was the result of a tip-ball catch of a desperation heave on third down and long. Auburn punted twice after only three plays, surrendered a turnover on downs, and ended the game with a lost fumble. 

Geno Matias-Smith was the Tide's leading tackler with 8 [6 solo]. Marlon Humphrey and Reuben Foster each accounted for 6 tackles. Reggie Ragland and Jonathan Allen each were credited with 5 stops. Alabama defenders made 5 tackles for lost yardage, 3 of which were sacks. The secondary broke up 4 passes and the front seven hurried the AU quarterback 7 times. On Auburn's last play of the game, Geno Matias-Smith forced a fumble which Maurice Smith recovered. The Smith-Smith fumble combo provides a fitting counterpoint to the 75-yard Johnson to Jason Smith fluke-TD.

Special Teams:

 Punting: A JK Scott averaged 48.3 yards on his 3 punts. His longest was 50 yards and two went for touchbacks. Auburn managed 21 yards on a trick return play where one ostensible returner called for the ball to deceive the coverage team while a second return man grabbed the punt. It is noteworthy that Auburn has to rely on trickeration and lucky bounces for its biggest plays.

Place Kicking: A+ Griff was perfect on 5 field goal attempts [26, 40, 26, 50, 47] and both PATs. Who outside the program was confident that Griff would make the improvement he has achieved since the Wisconsin game? 

Kickoffs: A Griff averaged 65 yards on 8 kickoffs, all but one of which were touchbacks. The lone kick that was returned only gained 1 yard beyond the touchback line of scrimmage.

Coaching:       A+

Alabama gained 508 all-purpose yards against the Tigers. The Tide was penalized 7 times for 65 yards. The participation report lists 51 players who saw action in the game. 

The run/pass ratio on Alabama's 76 plays was 50/26. On first down, Alabama ran the ball 22 times and attempted 10 passes. In his post-game comments, Coach Saban remarked on Henry's record-setting day: "He wanted the ball, and he kept getting stronger as the game went along."

Compare the Alabama sideline to the other side of the field. How long do you think Coach Saban would have tolerated Kirby Smart going into a rage reaction and costing his team a 15 yard dead ball foul, added to an existing 15 yard personal foul for a hit out of bounds? There is something wrong with Will Muschamp. This is a man who has been a head coach in the SEC. Is the pressure of coaching in game situations too much for him? Are his unhinged rage-reactions confined to game days, when millions are watching on television? What is he like at practice? Does he experience these episodes in other settings? What does this spectacle say about Malzahn? Coaching a game is challenging enough when your staff is acting like the professionals they are supposed to be. If Malzahn has any sense, he will send Muschamp packing before something worse happens.

The officials did not call a perfect game. But they did not effect the outcome. Could they have ejected Muschamp? Certainly. Was it an abuse of discretion for Tom Ritter to give Malzahn a chance to muzzle Muschamp? In my opinion it was not. The Barners would have only used such a decision as an excuse to mitigate the humiliation of being beaten by Alabama they way they were. This way, there is nowhere for them to hide. This was a physical beating, pure-and-simple. 

In some ways, this defeat was worse for Auburn than the 49-0 loss in the 2012 Iron Bowl. Alabama crushed Auburn physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Alabama covered the betting line to defeat Auburn by 16 points. In contrast, the last time Auburn enjoyed a 16 point margin of victory in the Iron Bowl was the first year of the Nixon Administration. Auburn has now lost four of the five Iron Bowls played since the 2010 Cam Newton-fueled comeback game. 

The wheels have come off the Gus-Bus. In the SEC, the inability to beat Alabama can shorten a coach's tenure faster than an insufficient deference to political correctness. Firing Muschamp, no matter how smart that decision may be, will not hit the reset button for Gus, who hired Muschamp in the first place. Count me among the folks who hope the current dysfunctional Auburn staff stays in place.

So, it's now on to Atlanta for a show-down with Florida for the SEC Championship. Not since 1998 has a team won back-to-back SEC Championships. Coach Saban told reporters after the Iron Bowl how much he likes this season's team. He complimented their work-ethic and competitive character. "Ever since the Ole Miss game they've had their backs to the wall", Saban said, "and they have responded every possible way that you could ask them to." 

Last week's edition of The Grades was devoted to highlighting a special senior class, but this is a special team of players. And you don't need a sign on the wall to see that 2015 is shaping up to be a very special year.  

 

Roll Tide, y'all......

 

The Commissioner