Monday, August 31, 2015

Pre-Season Blog Post

As a public service to readers of The Commissioners Blog, I thought I would provide a roundup of some of the calls to sports talk radio in the last few days before the season begins:

WUGA Host 1: We have Brian on a cell phone. Welcome to The Big Dawg...what's on your mind?

Brian: Hey, guys, I was just wondering what the schedule is for bringing the Heisman and College Football Playoff Championship trophies on tour.....is it only going to be in the State of Georgia, or can out-of-state fans like me get a chance to see the hardware after the season?

WUGA Host 2: Where do you live Brian?

Brian: I'm over in Birmingham, so it makes sense that there would be some kind of tribute to the Bulldogs at the SEC headquarters.....

WUGA Host 1: Well, Brian, you're in luck. WUGA is planning a week-long remote broadcast from the SEC offices shortly after the unveiling of the Mark Richt statue in the Coach Richt Meditation Garden outside renamed Dooley-Richt Stadium. Hang on the line so our producer can get your address and we will send you the full schedule.

Brian: Wow, that's great. You guys must be really confident that this is the year for the Bulldogs, what with all the returning tallent and, of course, Coach Richt....I mean, he's the finest human being coaching in any sport, anywhere but we've been knocking on the door for several years now and always seem to lose one when it hurts the most.

WUGA Host 2: Yeah, Brian, you're right about Coach Richt....finest human being maybe in all of America.....but to be honest with you, we've had this same schedule on hand for the last six years....

WUGA Host 1: That's right....but this is the year, baby....woof woof woof...

Brian: But what if it isn't? I mean....like....what if this season is just like the last however many?

WUGA Host 1: Hot seat, dude! 

WUGA Host 2:  Yep....time to make a change.....

....

Vol-Calls: We have Travis from Crossville on the line...what's your question for Coach Jones?

Travis: Hey, Coach Jones, I just wanted to call in and tell you that my wife and I are so pumped up about the great job you're doing with recruiting, and everything, and the awesome play you are getting out of everyone on the team, and I want you to know we named our daughter after you and....

Vol-Calls: So do you have a question, Travis?

Travis: Oh, yeah,....If I bet at least $10,000 I can get 12 to 1 from my bookie on the Vols winning the SEC Championship....should I take out a third mortgage on our house or just borrow the money from my father-in-law?

Vol-Calls: Well, Travis, look .... we don't really answer those kinds of questions...

Travis: What do you [bleep] mean 'those kinds of [bleep] questions'...you [bleep]. I thought this was supposed to be a [bleep] call-in show; you know, no [bleep] holds [bleep] barred. Turns out you're just a bunch of [bleep] [bleep]. 

Vol-Calls: Travis...

Travis: [bleep]

Vol-Calls: Tra...

Travis: [bleep]

Vol-Calls: TRAVIS!

Travis: What?

Vol-Calls: I can see you are already in mid-season form, dude! 

Travis: Yeah, I've been working out......Go-Vols!

...

WNPR: ....and of course that does not even begin to account for the root causes of income disparity rampant in industrialized, countries. Which is why I wrote my book.

Host: And what a wonderful book it is. Once again, you're listening to 'What In The World' on WNPR broadcasting from the Vanderbilt Campus. I'm Anita Castro-Smith and we are speaking with Prof. Patrice Three X; author of "Criticize This: One Academician's Journey Into The World Of Class, Gender and Identity In Post-Bush America." Prof. Three X, I was going to ask you a question about gender-norming as an analytical construct, but I see we actually have a call from a listener, so let's take that one first......Hello, you're on the air, What In The World do you want to talk about?

Caller: Umm, Hi? This is Justin....and I wanted to get your guest's opinion on what he thinks about Derrick Mason's decision to take over the defensive play calling; isn't this going to keep him from managing the whole game?......... Hello? ......

Host: Yes, caller. I think you may have called the wrong show....this is What In The World....on Vanderbilt University public radio.....perhaps you were thinking of calling a different station?

Caller: Not really.  None of the other sports stations have time for Vanderbilt football...they are always talking about other programs, and of course high school ball .... ever since James Franklin left town I can't get past the call-screener when I tell them I want to talk about my 'Dores.

Prof. Three X:    I know what you're saying, Justin. Welcome to the 99%, my friend.

. . .

Only four more days and a wake up, Y'all! 

Roll Tide.....

The Commissioner

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

2015 Pre Season Commissioners Report

So this friend and fellow Alabama fan asks me: "How do you think the Tide will do this fall?" I must have been asked that question, or some variation of it, several dozen times in the last few weeks. It is the first topic of conversation.

"Who is going to step up?" "What have we got?" "When are we going to know?" "Where are we going to find a [fill in the blank: quarterback, wide receiver, depth at running back, secondary, you name it]" "How are we going to win enough games to have a shot at the playoff?"

The answers have eluded me. Here are the reasons why: (i) we do not yet have a quarterback, (ii) 2014's most productive receivers have either graduated or are playing on Sunday, (iii) we only have two running backs, (iv) half of our RBs are recovering from a broken leg, and (v) based on pre-season rankings, we face the toughest schedule in the country. With Alabama opening fall camp on August 6, there is no time like the present to venture some answers to these weighty issues.

Who will win the quarterback position is the question at the top of everyone's list. Will Jake Coker finally get the opportunity for college glory that has so far eluded him through five years of eligibility? Or will David Cornwell, following the likes of AJ and GMac, win the job and start a championship career-run? 

I predict this is a job that will be won on the field....not at practice. Look for Jake and DC both to get opportunities in competition against the Badgers Labor Day weekend. Both ought to be hungry and motivated. Both are physically gifted. DC has actually been around the program slightly longer than Jake, and by "around the program" what I particularly have in mind is exposure to Coach Cochran. I do not claim to be able to "look into the seeds of time and say which grain will grow and which will not", but something tells me that the young man from Oklahoma will separate himself from Jake and win the job. He will have to win it on the field, because if it is close, I expect Jake to get the nod based on maturity. I also predict that if Cornwell wins the job, he will have no greater fan in the locker room than Jake. Coker impresses me as that kind of classy teammate. 

Over the last three years Alabama fans have been privileged to witness the play of perhaps the greatest Tide receiver since Don Hutson invented the position. Nevertheless, whoever wins the starting job under center will have plenty of excellent targets in the passing game. Robert Foster, Ardarius Stewart, and Raheem Falkins will step into the positions vacated by Amari Cooper, Christion Jones and DeAndrew White. Chris Black returns for a junior season. O.J. Howard and Dakota Ball bring experience to the tight end position. And don't be surprised to see contributions from two of my "All-Name" first team: Derek Kief and Armani Purifoye.

No position on the depth chart is as shallow as running back. Due to transfers and suspensions, the Tide has only two experienced running backs, but Derek Henry and Kenyan Drake may well be best ground-combo in the league. They certainly are the best tandem in the Western Division. Coach Saban has never been reluctant to put the ball in the hands of a freshman running back.  Mark Ingram and T.J. Yeldon both had stellar inaugural seasons. Some names to look for in early games are: Bo Scarbrough (6-2; 240), Damien Harris (5-11; 205) and Ronnie Clark (6-2; 228).
    
Based on the pre-season rankings, Alabama faces 7 teams in the top 25...and that's just in Conference play. Wisconsin will be a genuine challenge. Plus we face A&M, Miss. State and Auburn on the road. Say what you will about these programs.....go ahead....I'm waiting for you to say what you will.....playing them on the road is an extra challenge. Don't forget, each of these three schools went into hock to expand their stadiums for no other reason than hosting Alabama once every two years.

The Road To Number 16 starts in Arlington, Texas of all places. And the opponent is a stalwart of the Big 10. Readers of this blog know that I consider the 2014 SEC Championship to be one of Nick Sabans finest achievements as Alabama's head coach. Tide fans ought to savor the sweetness of that moment. Alabama's performance in its first shot at the College Football Playoffs, however, is a wine that leaves a bitter taste. And you know as well as I that for every coach, player and staff person affiliated with the program there is only one way to clean the pallet.

I happen to have an extended-family connection to The Badger State. Some of those to whom I am connected are fans of the Wisconsin football program.....after the Packers, of course. I even gladly cheered for the Badgers in this year's Final Four.

The civil law categorizes familial relationships is two ways: by "affinity" and "consanguinity." Stated another way....by "friendly relations" and by blood. Just so you know: Those friendly relations will be on hold until after September 7....bless their hearts!

And, of course, Roll Tide!

The Commissioner