Pre-Season Blog Post

As a public service to readers of The Commissioners Blog, I thought I would provide a roundup of some of the calls to sports talk radio in the last few days before the season begins:

WUGA Host 1: We have Brian on a cell phone. Welcome to The Big Dawg...what's on your mind?

Brian: Hey, guys, I was just wondering what the schedule is for bringing the Heisman and College Football Playoff Championship trophies on tour.....is it only going to be in the State of Georgia, or can out-of-state fans like me get a chance to see the hardware after the season?

WUGA Host 2: Where do you live Brian?

Brian: I'm over in Birmingham, so it makes sense that there would be some kind of tribute to the Bulldogs at the SEC headquarters.....

WUGA Host 1: Well, Brian, you're in luck. WUGA is planning a week-long remote broadcast from the SEC offices shortly after the unveiling of the Mark Richt statue in the Coach Richt Meditation Garden outside renamed Dooley-Richt Stadium. Hang on the line so our producer can get your address and we will send you the full schedule.

Brian: Wow, that's great. You guys must be really confident that this is the year for the Bulldogs, what with all the returning tallent and, of course, Coach Richt....I mean, he's the finest human being coaching in any sport, anywhere but we've been knocking on the door for several years now and always seem to lose one when it hurts the most.

WUGA Host 2: Yeah, Brian, you're right about Coach Richt....finest human being maybe in all of America.....but to be honest with you, we've had this same schedule on hand for the last six years....

WUGA Host 1: That's right....but this is the year, baby....woof woof woof...

Brian: But what if it isn't? I mean....like....what if this season is just like the last however many?

WUGA Host 1: Hot seat, dude! 

WUGA Host 2:  Yep....time to make a change.....

....

Vol-Calls: We have Travis from Crossville on the line...what's your question for Coach Jones?

Travis: Hey, Coach Jones, I just wanted to call in and tell you that my wife and I are so pumped up about the great job you're doing with recruiting, and everything, and the awesome play you are getting out of everyone on the team, and I want you to know we named our daughter after you and....

Vol-Calls: So do you have a question, Travis?

Travis: Oh, yeah,....If I bet at least $10,000 I can get 12 to 1 from my bookie on the Vols winning the SEC Championship....should I take out a third mortgage on our house or just borrow the money from my father-in-law?

Vol-Calls: Well, Travis, look .... we don't really answer those kinds of questions...

Travis: What do you [bleep] mean 'those kinds of [bleep] questions'...you [bleep]. I thought this was supposed to be a [bleep] call-in show; you know, no [bleep] holds [bleep] barred. Turns out you're just a bunch of [bleep] [bleep]. 

Vol-Calls: Travis...

Travis: [bleep]

Vol-Calls: Tra...

Travis: [bleep]

Vol-Calls: TRAVIS!

Travis: What?

Vol-Calls: I can see you are already in mid-season form, dude! 

Travis: Yeah, I've been working out......Go-Vols!

...

WNPR: ....and of course that does not even begin to account for the root causes of income disparity rampant in industrialized, countries. Which is why I wrote my book.

Host: And what a wonderful book it is. Once again, you're listening to 'What In The World' on WNPR broadcasting from the Vanderbilt Campus. I'm Anita Castro-Smith and we are speaking with Prof. Patrice Three X; author of "Criticize This: One Academician's Journey Into The World Of Class, Gender and Identity In Post-Bush America." Prof. Three X, I was going to ask you a question about gender-norming as an analytical construct, but I see we actually have a call from a listener, so let's take that one first......Hello, you're on the air, What In The World do you want to talk about?

Caller: Umm, Hi? This is Justin....and I wanted to get your guest's opinion on what he thinks about Derrick Mason's decision to take over the defensive play calling; isn't this going to keep him from managing the whole game?......... Hello? ......

Host: Yes, caller. I think you may have called the wrong show....this is What In The World....on Vanderbilt University public radio.....perhaps you were thinking of calling a different station?

Caller: Not really.  None of the other sports stations have time for Vanderbilt football...they are always talking about other programs, and of course high school ball .... ever since James Franklin left town I can't get past the call-screener when I tell them I want to talk about my 'Dores.

Prof. Three X:    I know what you're saying, Justin. Welcome to the 99%, my friend.

. . .

Only four more days and a wake up, Y'all! 

Roll Tide.....

The Commissioner