Monday, September 19, 2016

Tire Store Report -- Mississippi Ackbar Land Shark Rebellious Colonel Black Bears

Boy, it feels good to beat the University of Mississippi in football.  Seems like a long time.  You know, mostly because on a coaching staff led by Nick Saban, anything more than once at a time is a long time ago.

Speaking of, it seems like a long time since we’ve heard from you, Commissioner. I understand you were far away where half the people speak French and half of them think a football end zone needs to be large enough to graze cattle on the weekdays.  Welcome back.  Your Son and Heir did an admirable job in your absence.

We understand from The Grades that the 66,000+ was the biggest crowd to ever see a game in Mississippi.  Isn’t that cute?  You know, if Vandy could sell its stadium out and add it to that number… .  Well, maybe that “if” is too big to finish the thought.

So, instead, here’s what we thought about the game.

Overall, this team showed a lot of heart and determination.  It would have been very easy to give up just before half time.  No one seemed to do so.  Perhaps history is repeating itself and the same way the team seemed to come to a turning point last year after the Mississippi game they will again -- this time without having to put a mark in the Loss column.  We understand the coaches gave the players a day off today to rest and recover.  With five more games before an off week, that was likely a good decision.

Give Mississippi credit.  They fought hard and have a talented team, especially at quarterback.  When their receivers noticed that the officiating crew had dozed off on the day that Umpire School covered offensive pass interference they took advantage of that learning deficiency with a vengeance.  More about the officials’ disabilities below.

On to specifics.

Offense:  Like you, we were perplexed after we ran so well on the first drive that we moved to  the exclusive two-yard screen pass game for most of the rest of the half.  Maybe the idea is that all those short passes got the defense loosened up for the running game. Sort of like when the comptroller asks us to open the new jar of pickles and we get it on the first try -- she always says, “I got it loosened up for you.”  Of course, in this case the Mississippi line looked pretty loose already on the first drive.  Hurts is playing beyond his years at this point.  As soon as the game slows down just a little bit he’ll start hitting the long passes.  If he can develop that knack over the next couple of weeks to go with a rejuvenated running game, this offense could be special.  The offensive line seemed much more comfortable and (except for the play where Shank and Jonah apparently decided to play Red Rover with one of Mississippi’s best defenders), did a decent job.  We thought they looked better than against WKU.  Being able to run the ball for first downs to end the game was refreshing and brought pleasant reminders of Henry, Ingram, Coffee, Lacy, etc.

Defense:  OK, everyone has their favorite odd things in football.  Some people love to see a blitz that gets home.  Some people love a pass play where the ball travels 50 yards in the air.  Some people like a good gadget play like the flea flicker or a double reverse.  I love it when someone who mostly starts every down with their hand in the dirt scores for their team.  Up until Saturday it was Marcel Dareus with the spin move on Texas that was my favorite.  I think Jonathan “Alabama Does” Allen’s 70-plus yard pick six on Saturday has taken that spot.  His scoring run not only put six points on the board for the Crimson Tide, it seemed to take two minutes off the clock.  We note that he did not get any special extra credit for carrying one of Mississippi’s wide receivers on his back the last few yards.  Perhaps next time someone will turn around and block.  I have a feeling the Saban guy will mention it in a meeting.  On the other hand, I understand being anxious not to miss the celebration.

We gave up too much too easily near the end of the game, but missing Foster, Fitzpatrick and Jackson for a series will do that to you.  Maybe.  See below.

Special Teams:  It was a shame we shanked a punt and couldn’t corral an onside kick to put a cloud on an otherwise stellar day.  I like that we are kicking off the football into the dadgum end zone, of course.  Although I worry about losing a player of Jackson’s caliber on punt returns, I see why the coaches have him out there.  He just seems to have a way of smoothly gliding through traffic, like he’s riding a skateboard through a traffic snarl.  He does the same thing after interceptions.  And credit Scott with a portion of the other defensive touchdown.  Pinning them inside the 6 not only makes for a much easier scoop and score, it seemed to energize our defense coming onto the field to try to make something like that happen.  I doubt any team in America wants to face our defensive line when it has extra incentive.

Coaching:  OK, y’all knew I was going to carry on about this, but it just drives me crazy near the end of games when we have a lead and play a “soft” defense.  I know, it works.  You trade yardage for time and just let the other team bleed out the clock.  The Russians have been doing it for centuries, waiting on General Winter rather than the final whistle.  If for no other reason, we need to quit it because every other team knows that’s what’s going to happen.  But for an alert (and somewhat lucky) play by Bozeman, Saturday could have been heart-breaking.

On the other hand, the realignment on the offensive line appears to have created some serious improvement in the running game.  Also, the coaches did a good job of getting the team to stay in the game, even down by three touchdowns, on the road, against a talented conference opponent that had previously had its number.  It would have been easy for this team to fold up.  They didn’t.  That’s partly a credit to the coaches.  Perhaps after Saturday Coach Kiffin will be a little more willing to RTDB.  I hope so.

Broadcast:  Great Googly Moogly.  We had forgotten just what a CBS game with Uncle Verne and Aunt Gary was like.  It’s kind of like you remember dental work is unpleasant, but till they tilt you back in that chair and cut on that KC Daylighter light fixture, the unpleasantness of it all sort of fades away.  Why they can’t just stick to calling the game is beyond me.  Honestly, I thought it was a comedy set up when Verne called Archie Manning “Archie Griffin”.  Alas.  At least this is Verne’s farewell tour.  This game was already a long one.  Adding the CBS time outs for more commercials made it feel like it lasted all day.  Because, well, it sort of did.  At least we are not on CBS next week.

Officiating:  We just thought the officiating was bad last week.  Well, strike that, the officiating was bad last week.  This week, it was something past bad.  Inconsistent? Incompetent? Horrid? Infuriating?  All of the above?   Frankly, it’s been a pitiful year for officiating all over college football.  At least our game didn’t have a touchdown scoring play after it should have been officially over.  Or credit given for touchdowns where players didn't carry the ball into the end zone.  Though it’s hard to imagine how to set the bar any lower short of employing equipment from Caterpillar.

Look, if the Mississippi player who targeted Hurts on the scoring play was playing professionally (and given that this is Hugh Freeze’s Ole Miss, that’s a definite possibility) he’d probably get notice of a fine from the League this week.  If you watch closely the first thing that moves is Jalen's helmet.  That's where the first contact occurred.  But with the SEC employing the Helen Keller, Stevie Wonder, Louis Braille officiating crew, no call was made.  And I’m not sure how confident I am in the Free Illuminati Mason Fraternal Brotherhood of Call Reviewers at the Home Office in Birmingham.  I just have this feeling that the conversations on the headphones go something like, “Naw, we couldn’t see crap either. I dunno if his knee was down and everybody else was out of the room.  Just say y’all got it right the first time.  Second down at the 28.  Put six seconds back on the clock so they’ll think we were doing something.  How’s your wife?”

Whatever.  It is really good to get to the fourth game of the season without a loss, scoring 40+ points a game, and having an opponent this week that should give us a chance to rest some people, tend to some injuries, and work out some kinks.  Is this a championship caliber team?  Not right now, I don’t think.  But there’s a long way to go and they are rounding into shape.  The future is bright.


Saturday is Family Weekend on campus.  If you are going down for the game, be careful.  Roll Tide.  Beat Kent State.



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